It may be a closed-minded thought, but when you consider the technological advancements that have changed our lives in fairly mundane ways, using your phone on a plane might be right up there.
What does it take for Englishmen to get picked in the IPL auction?
For so long, the mere thought of an SMS could bring the aviation industry crashing down. Now, with in-flight Wi-Fi, keeping tabs on what's happening on the ground has never been so easy. This, of course, is not a luxury available on most internal flights, such as this one travelling from Adelaide to Perth on January 27, 2018.
On the plane were 15 members of England's ODI squad, 14 of whom had put themselves forward in the auction for the 11th edition of the Indian Premier League. Expectations and spirits were high with three impressive wins out of four in the one-day series with Australia showcasing the shorter-form revolution that saw this group emerge as the most exciting in the world. Surely IPL contracts were in the offing. The auction commenced when the flight took off and, three hours later, the majority of the squad were brought back down to earth when they arrived in Western Australia.
As soon as the tyres met the tarmac, phones came out. News of Ben Stokes's GBP 1.4m deal came with the addendum of a smaller one for Jason Roy. But many others had been overlooked, including Joe Root. By the time they made it to the baggage hall, Jos Buttler (GBP 488,000) had joined Stokes at Rajasthan Royals. Chris Woakes watched his price being pushed up to GBP 820,000 by Royal Challengers Bangalore while on the bus to the hotel.
Just eight of 24 English-qualified players were picked up. And though Tom Curran, Liam Plunkett and David Willey would later boost the tally as injury replacements, a number of high-profile names were left on the cutting room floor. On Tuesday, they will go again: 18 capped and uncapped English players will make up the 120 foreigners scrapping over the 20 overseas spots remaining at 2019's IPL. Early projections from mock auctions run by the eight teams are not looking promising.
It makes you wonder. What does it take for English players to get picked up in the IPL auction?
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The obvious answer shouted from the back of the class is "big numbers at the highest level". Of course, years of consistent international white-ball runs or wickets, punctuated by a few notable match hauls can do the trick. So does performing well against India, and given England won the recent Test and ODI series in style, you imagine a few players made an impression.
However, with the ECB ordering its ODI players to return to the UK at the end of April to prepare for the World Cup which starts in May, those in the auction will only be available for the first half of the eight-week tournament. That is a noted drawback for Jonny Bairstow, Alex Hales, Woakes and Mark Wood - players who have consistently performed for England. It is for this reason that Root and one-day captain Eoin Morgan - also unsold in the previous auction - have not put their names in the hat.
Both the above caveats work in Sam Curran's favour. Not only does he seem out of England's 50-over plans for the time being, but he is also international cricket's flavour of the year. His man-of-the-series turn in the Test series against India, and further cameos with the bat away in Sri Lanka, have done enough to nab prominent suitors.
The five-day grind does not immediately suggest success in the shortest form, but list managers use the format to gauge how well players handle pressure. Some of the key takeaways from what they have seen of Curran are his ability to learn on the job and be seemingly impervious to bad decision-making. Factor in the IPL's innate desire to pit flashy young things against established talent, and Curran ticks a lot of boxes.
It is worth noting at this point that, by global standards, the 20-year-old's T20 record is middling at best. Now, part of that is offset by his international success. But the other reason not much attention is paid to those numbers is because he has played all his domestic cricket in the T20 Blast.
From a player's perspective, one who wishes to further his cause away from the international scene, the main drawback with the Blast is the lack of respect it commands around the world.
The issue lies with not all the games being televised. Those that are mainly feature "bigger" counties, which is why it has taken time for players at less fashionable clubs, like Derbyshire's Wayne Madsen and Gloucestershire's Benny Howell, to gain notoriety despite consistently excellent records as a No.4 batting all-rounder and knuckle-ball bowler respectively.
The volume of cricket on TV now, both international and franchise, has meant a lot of scouting can be done from sofas. As one IPL coach told Cricbuzz: "If a batsman scores a hundred at Somerset off 40 balls and it's not on TV - did it actually happen?"
There are ways of circumventing this lack of coverage. Video packages are put together by third-parties at the behest of agents and passed on, though this is as effective as sending your demo tape to a major record label. Teams receive so many that most only get extra a first or second airing when being subject to ridicule.
As well as tweeting their own video clips - and inviting derision from the playing fraternity - some hopefuls have taken to contacting coaches over Facebook, sending them potted CVs of their work and the odd bit of footage. Just as in other aspects of online life, the hit-rate of sliding into someone's DMs is very low.
A number of county players have also been burned by a total lack of interest in previous auctions, invited primarily to bloat an already tedious process. By introducing more players into auctions, teams look to catch out rivals by either distracting them with other picks or testing their patience in the hope they lose interest or get slack with their decision-making.
One sure-fire way of getting noticed in the Blast is to make Finals Day and ideally win the thing, ensuring you get as much screen time as possible. Pat Brown of Worcestershire - with a base price of 40 lakh - did just that, securing the Rapids' first T20 title with 31 wickets. The other is to simply make waves elsewhere.
Sussex Sharks' Phil Salt managed four fifties in the Blast with a highest score of 74, but missed out on making a decent Finals Day splash with 13 and 17. Though the 22-year-old did not perform on Sky, he made a good impression in the Abu Dhabi T20 at the start of October for Lahore Qalandars, who enlisted his help as their regular roster was depleted by cricket elsewhere. Just as the Qalandars were about to secure his services for the Pakistan Super League, Islamabad United swooped to take him on.
Unlike the Blast, the Big Bash League is perfectly positioned in every way for their players to make an impression on the IPL. The bias towards Australian players is primarily down to the number of Australian coaches in the IPL who, understandably, want to pick what they know when it comes to divvying out the limited overseas slots. But coaches never need to do much to convince owners to rubber-stamp these deals because the BBL and those excelling in it become familiar names very quickly.
Every match is broadcast live at prime-time in Australia - around midday in India - in front of packed crowds and advertised far better than other franchise leagues. If you dig deeper, it is clear the pitches, even bounce and the overall bowling standard, make it a profitable league for batsmen. But the way the tournament carries itself demands that it is taken seriously.
Crucially, it has also taken place right before the auction. D'Arcy Short was the latest to enjoy this recency bias: his 572 runs for Hobart Hurricanes resulted in a bumper gig with Rajasthan. His struggles against spin, well-hidden during the BBL, saw him score just 115 runs from seven matches.
However, the auction for 2019's IPL will be the first to have taken place before the season's BBL. Even so, the relationship between the competitions may help a player like Harry Gurney (75 Lakhs). The Nottinghamshire left-arm seamer, courted by Royal Challengers last year as one of the most underrated and under-valued death bowlers going, has made it onto a few other wishlists since nabbing a deal with Melbourne Renegades.
The coach bias is starting to be addressed, too. The presence of English fast bowling guru Steffan Jones at Rajasthan is one to keep tabs on. Formerly of Somerset, he will be well aware there is a lot of value to be had in the 40 lakh picks of Lewis Gregory and Jamie Overton, especially as the team have two overseas slots to fill and need bowling.
Rajasthan, who also happen to have an English general manager, Jake Lush McCrum, invited Gregory to a recent training camp with the franchise. The all rounder had to turn down the opportunity as he was with the England Lions in the UAE.
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Another trait lumbered with England is the perception of arrogance towards the IPL. Even with the about-turn to the competition instigated by the ECB, the unflattering jibes from administrators and pundits have not been forgotten. Especially when it comes to price-tags.
Unfairly, English cricketers have developed a bad reputation for entering themselves at inflated prices in the auction and expecting to be selected ahead of others. There were wry smiles when Root went unsold in January: he spoke openly (and frequently) in the lead-up to the auction about wanting the experience of the IPL, yet set himself at the highest base price. That he had missed so much international and domestic T20 cricket - he did not play a single Blast match for Yorkshire in 2017 - also suggested he did not take the format seriously.
In Root's case, most if not all of the T20 he has missed has been governed by ECB management. But when it comes to pricing yourself up, Englishmen have a lot more to consider. For every day they spend at the IPL, those on Test central contracts are deducted 1/356th of their annual retainer. Other domestic players see a deduction of one per-cent from their annual county salaries for each of the first 21 days they are away, before that percentage drops down to 0.7.
Another financial factor to consider is how much money they actually take home. Players only receive their full buying price if they make the XI for every match. Tax on those earnings also sees a healthy chunk whipped off.
It is a tricky balancing act, which is why there is a lot to be said for "playing" the auction. Through trial and error, some English player representatives have realised taking a manageable financial hit to get their clients through the door is better in the long-term. Persisting with too high a base price could get you continually overlooked. From afar, it gives the impression to teams that you are one to avoid, even if your numbers stack up.
There's a great story about the time Brett Lee put himself forward for the inaugural IPL season. At the time, he was already a seasoned international, considered one of the fastest bowlers in the world. Rather than sending franchises a statistical breakdown of his career which they could easily access online, Lee's agent figured he would try and appeal to the glitz and glamour of the new competition. So, he sent them headshots.
Lee has appeared in Bollywood movies beyond his playing career, which tells you all you need to know about how successful that move was. Not everyone gets cricket in India, but Lee and his agent certainly did.
But you need not be a showman or grand entertainer. For all the focus on marketing, ranging from how a player presents himself in person to how they come across on social media, the IPL still puts a lot of stock in one of the game's oldest measures - "is he a good bloke?"
Cricket is a small world and Twenty20 is a smaller one within it. Given many of the same players and coaching staff do the rounds on the franchise circuit, a bad first impression can snowball into being perceived outright as a bad egg. A coach looking to build a winning side, one that will live together for two months at least, won't want to risk the team atmosphere by getting in a player who won't play much and is renowned for kicking up a stink when on the sidelines.
Many a 50-50 call has come down to personality. For example - and with no intention of downplaying his talent - Chris Jordan (100 lakhs) is regarded throughout the IPL as one of the most reliable bit-part buys. Not only is he an experienced bowler and exceptional fielder, with domestic and international T20 experience in India, Jordan appreciates the role of squad player, trains hard and is easy to deal with.
His stints at Royal Challengers and Sunrisers Hyderabad have also given him an understanding of how the IPL works away from the bright lights: the scale of the travel involved, dealing with hotels foyers rammed with selfie-hunters, along with the endless filming and marketing demands, all of which are mandatory.
Often, those perceptions need not be so immediate. A number of the current IPL decision-makers, such as Ricky Ponting (Delhi Daredevils), Jacques Kallis, Simon Katich (both Kolkata Knight Riders), Tom Moody (Sunrisers) and Gary Kirsten (Royal Challengers) have played alongside or worked one-to-one with various county cricketers and coaches. If there is a character they want to know more about, they know where to get a reference.
Face-to-face meetings, wherever you can get them, go down well. When Glamorgan's 50-over captain Colin Ingram was looking to break into franchise cricket after committing to the club on a Kolpak deal, he picked the brains of every player he came across in county cricket who was either affiliated with a team, determining where the vacancies lay before planning his approaches. During England's limited-overs tours at the start of the year, Adil Rashid met up Melbourne Stars representatives, including head coach Stephen Fleming while in New Zealand, for informal chats before Fleming handed him a two-year deal.
Believe it or not, families can also make-or-break a deal. A player with a large, rabble of an entourage, or simply a demanding partner or relative can be deemed more hassle than they're worth. It is for this reason players tend to ask agents to sort out travel arrangements for "plus ones", so as to not seem demanding to their IPL managers. One agent not too enamoured with the development bemoaned that for those two months his job is downgraded to "a glorified travel agent". Nevertheless, it's a bruise to the ego that can be adequately compensated.
So...how will these 18 Englishmen fair in the IPL 12 auction?
For those at the higher end of the auction with the limited availability, things do not look promising. The inclusion of Joe Denly (100 lakh) in the ODI squad for West Indies suggests he will play some part of England's plans for the tournament - that's bittersweet, considering his availability for the whole competition was regarded as a big plus. He had originally planned on giving it a miss altogether after what would be a demanding winter with England, Sydney Sixers and Karachi Kings.
But the World Cup also affect those already in the IPL. Teams will be looking to sign back-ups that can come in and do a job immediately when the internationals depart. There may also prove to be issues with no-objection certificates from certain boards and franchises will look to take out insurance to ensure they are not left in the lurch come March.
For players that do get picked up, they will have to deal with becoming small fish in a big pond and set their expectations accordingly. Playing time will be limited and records outside the IPL will matter for little when the beast gets moving. The routine of airport-hotel-match-hotel-airport will wear very thin, but it is a necessary evil if you want part of this world. Sometimes you may not even travel and instead be left to train with the reserves and amuse yourself with room service and soulless hotel pools. And do it all with a smile.
But whether you play or not, the advice to newcomers is the same: get about and mix with everyone; don't fall into the habit of hanging out in overseas cliques; break the mould and indulge in the local scene when you can; embrace India's vibrant yet energy-sapping rhythm and ensure you're a team player every step of the way.
Because chances are, you are going to have to go through it all again to get a gig next year.
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