IPL auctions and a million emotions

Siddhesh Lad is walking around his room, knocking a bat, waiting for the housekeeping staff to leave. Suddenly, the view outside his room, which can oversee a good part of the city, catches his attention and he blurts out, "Yeh to poora Kabul jaisa dikh raha hai (this place looks like Kabul)."

It was a bizarre fascination that caught his imagination for quite some time. He can be unintentionally funny and he is in a space to be that way. He doesn't seem stressed. He doesn't talk stressed. Maybe it's the bucketload of runs he has scored this season which is helping his confidence. Or maybe it is just his happy-go-lucky nature.

That isn't the case elsewhere though. The pressure of the upcoming IPL auctions has got to players. Whispers are turning louder and the BCCI hasn't helped matters by holding the Syed Mushtaq Ali Trophy so close to the auctions. Insecurity has bred in. Teammates have become rivals and their biggest competitors. One cricketer admits, "The talk is happening in hushed tones, but in no secrecy. Maybe not during the match but surely before and after that. It's but natural. IPL is important for our careers."

In another team, one cricketer nearly breaks down. He is batting in the lower middle order and is hardly getting an opportunity to showcase his talent. He doesn't bowl, batting is all that he has to show for his skills. In only the previous game, a bowler was promoted as a pinch hitter ahead of him, leaving him with less than an over to face. He knows the scouts are in the stadium, watching the games. He wants to face as many deliveries as he can, but he believes his teammates are wasting too many balls upfront. He is praying for them to get dismissed at the earliest.

Another cricketer is not even getting an opportunity to feature in the Playing XI. He knows he has no chance of getting picked by a franchise unless he gets to play in the tournament. He has opened up about his insecurities to the team trainer, who then walks up to the captain and requests him to give the young spinner a chance. The captain says 'I will see' but as soon as he shuts the door, mutters to himself 'ghanta possible hai''.

One of the cricketers is trying to hold himself up. He is crying for opportunities but hasn't got much coming his way. He has managed to feature in only two games. In T20s, he has hardly ever faced more than 15 balls in a game. He shows his numbers and makes me compare them to that of his peers - Unmukt Chand and Baba Aparajith. "Look how many opportunities they have got! And look how many opportunities I get despite my numbers."

He doesn't want to play for his state anymore. The lack of opportunities in the ongoing tournament has only served as a straw which will break the camel's back of his long-standing wish.

IPL has become a theatre where everyone wants to perform, but the trials are a crowded affair. The hunger for spotlight is real and they are all laying their emotions bare. The tattoos and fancy hair-dos are there, but the 'I'm sexy and I know it' persona has taken a massive beating.

They want the limelight and there is no shame in asking for it. It's not just about those who are lesser known, even those who have played for India and are out of national reckoning are failing to hide the nervousness. Several top stars, national and international, despite all their stardom, have failed to find a franchise in the past. Everyone is aware of that. No one wants to leave anything to chance.

One spinner, among the best in the country but with dropping batting and fitness levels, has reached out to a scribe wanting to be interviewed for a request made months earlier.

You are warned by another scribe that a pacer, who is also out of favour with the national selectors but still clocking over 140 kmph, will invite you up for a bro-bonding session.

One spinner, who was a part of world cup winning squads, reaches out to his former franchises' scout, who is at the venue, as soon as his match gets over, and says without being asked, "I checked the video footage. I bowled only bad delivery." It was a self-certified evaluation of his bowling. A brief chat begins and the spinner takes no time in asking whether his former franchise is planning on buying him back. He has been told the toss-up is between him and an India regular, and he is their first choice between the two. But it's only a false hope, a lie. Nonetheless, he has taken that assurance a bit too seriously and is rejoicing.

While those who have played at the highest level are more smooth in their ways to get coverage, domestic cricketers are still looking for avenues. "Yeh PR kya hota hai? (How does this PR thing work?)" a cricketer asks. He has heard that PRs help people become famous. He needs them now more than ever. But he doesn't know how it works. Only one member in his team has it and he isn't comfortable asking him for help. To add to the complexity of the issue, he doesn't earn a lot. His daily allowance is Rs 500 and the expensive hotel the team has been put in, serves a dinner buffet of Rs 700. Players have to pay out of their pockets. His corporate job gives him a salary of around Rs 20,000 per month. But yet, he is willing to shell out money to hire a PR company to look after his social media.

As much as a million raw emotions are out on display, Cricket is not Bollywood. Only and only his game will get him the required attention.

The turn of events is also proving to be quite a challenge for the captains to manoeuvre their resources, apart from looking after their own game. Everybody wants exposure, but the captain has to also ensure that the team isn't let down in the battle of individual glory. One of the captains admits and understands the selfishness that can stem in in such a scenario and adds, "There is no certainty, right? Especially with domestic players. Auctions are quite funny. You need to be amongst the runs to be certainly sure that you will acquire a contract. With the tournament being advanced for the auctions, they have set it up like that. The franchises are saying that we are looking at players in these four-six games. It is being set-up like you do well in these four games and you will get a contract, which is not fair."

Insecurity is rife. Even those who are putting up with, "My game is such that I always look to play for the team," aren't denying the fact that players are playing for themselves. On asking a scout if they take such acts into account, one of them gives a knowing smile - as if it is very natural - and plainly puts it: 'What can you do? Jo jeeta wohi sikandar' (He who succeeds, is the king).

A host of cricketers have entered India's premier domestic tournament in an emotionally fragile state. For now, not many have the patience to look at their careers beyond January 28. Patience was never a virtue T20 cricket propagated. The Syed Mushtaq Ali Trophy has become a tamasha of emotions, where the Satan within has kept Gabriel at bay.

For Indian cricketers - national or domestic, never in a calendar comes a day where all their emotions would collectively ride on such extremes at the behest of two words - sold and unsold.

It's the IPL auctions. Coming soon. On TV sets near you.